Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize