i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
