I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
