i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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