u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
