my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
