Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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