Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
