the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
