we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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