After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
