My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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