I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
