i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
