your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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