I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's always time for handjobs
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
