good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
