Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this boner is exhausting
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize