I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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