It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
