yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
