ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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