they need to just BURY HIM!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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