I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
