Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
