Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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