she woke up with a sticky ear
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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