It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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