I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
