i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
