There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
