Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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