Don't you send me to vm
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
