yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want a musical about memes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
