You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
