He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
third nipple confirmed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
