So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize