I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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