I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
