watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My penis needs a shock collar
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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