Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
