god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
