It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your penis caused this!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
