i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
