My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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