I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
