Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
