dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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