Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
