As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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