weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
