Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
