matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He passed out mid-signature
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
