You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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