Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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