this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize