Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
