Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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