Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
