As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
