I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
