dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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