I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
