Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
