Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
