We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
