that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
