Pappa wants mamma naked
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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