you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
