you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
