I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
