She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
