If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
