Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
