you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize