bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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