I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
