Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
