Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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