I will die if light touches me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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