my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
