did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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