Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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