She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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