this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
