she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
