Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
