is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
