That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
