i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
