This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
