then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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