The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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