So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
where are my eyebrows?
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