The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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