I want to stick my p in your. b.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
