Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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