tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
