Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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