Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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