i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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