the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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