real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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