This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
