last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
