She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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