Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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