i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
