just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
