Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
