I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
