i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize