Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
