OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
