I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
