Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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